Some Thoughts on Rape as a Man's Issue, Part 1

Today's thoughts were kicked off by this Slate article that looked at men and boys as victims of rape. This is very important to me, in part, because I worked during my college years to include men during rape awareness campaigns, not as potential perpetrators, but as potential victims. It is also important to me because I've had male family members and lovers, past and present, who are sexual assault survivors.  Not all of them were abused by other men and boys, though the majority were.

The key to understanding the article and the findings that men and boys are being raped at a much higher level than we had previously thought is this fact, according to the article:

in 2012, the FBI revised its definition and focused on penetration, with no mention of female (or force). [1]

Specifically the definition from the FBI is Penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim. [2]

Let's unpack the sentence above.

Rape, according to the FBI, involves penetration of some object or body party by another person without consent of one of the people (called a victim).  There is nothing about a penis, and although we might argue that that is implied in the case of oral sex, I think that such nitpicking misses the point, which is that someone has not consented to penetration, and therefore a crime has been committed.

This means that anyone can be raped, and anyone can commit rape. Does that scare you?  While I can understand why this might feel scary, I think it is more reassuring to me that we may be on the verge of taking sexual violence a bit more seriously, at least at the FBI level.

You've probably heard the phrase "rape culture." Often we talk about women as objects, women as victims, women as survivors, what women can do to stop it or discourage it, women women women.

Every now and again we hear about how men can prevent rape, but generally in the sense of preventing them from becoming rapists, or how men can help protect women from becoming victims of rape.

This gendered rape discussion seems to create feelings of anger on both sides of what shouldn't ever be a debate -- forcing another person to engage in any type of sexual activity should never be okay, regardless of age, race, sex, orientation, or anything else.

If you do not have rights over your own body, then you have no rights at all.

Just accept the fact that men and boys are raped, and they are raped at a higher level than we ever imagined.

Who are their rapists?  Sure, other men and boys are the majority of perpetrators of rape against men and boys, but women and girls are also rapists.  Don't think that's so?  Go back and reread the new definition of rape.

Penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.

You can probably imagine how threats of violence or the use of weapons could create this situation, but that is "force," and the new definition doesn't require that. So if there is no force, how can rape happen?  (Some of the social and relationship pressures I'll discuss next also apply to women/girls, but I'm focused today on men/boys as survivors.)

This is a question of consent and what consent means.  The state of California has recently revised and expanded its rape definitions to include a long discussion of consent. [3]  I highly recommend you follow Source [3] to read it thoroughly, because I think it is brilliant and also has the possibility to change how we look at sexuality, especially if we can push for similar changes around the nation.

Let me just highlight the consent paragraph for you all: "Consent" means positive cooperation in act or attitude pursuant to an exercise of free will. The person must act freely and voluntarily and have knowledge of the nature of the act or transaction involved. A current or previous dating or marital relationship shall not be sufficient to constitute consent where consent is at issue in a prosecution. In prosecutions in which consent is at issue, evidence that the victim suggested, requested, or otherwise communicated to the defendant that the defendant use a condom or other birth control device, without additional evidence of consent, is not sufficient to constitute consent.

Wow, just think about this.  The phrases exercise of free will and freely and voluntarily are really standing out to me, because these call into question a ton of social and cultural expectations.

We teach our males that they must want sex all the time.  We pound it into their heads with TV, movies, music, clothing, discussions, books, religion, almost anything you can think of.

We hear repeatedly as girls that the only thing boys want is sex, so we teach our daughters and sons this, and we expect our boyfriends and husbands to constantly want sex.

As a society we spend millions of dollars on scientific research to create medications to help men "get it up."

In movies and TV, there are jokes about slipping these pills to men without their knowledge or laughing off complaints about too much sex when these complaints come from men.

As a society we taunt men who aren't interested in sex at the drop of a hat and question their masculinity, so they self-medicate or feel horrible if they just happen to not want sex tonight.

We promote sex as the happy ending to a couple's argument or the thing you have to do on anniversaries or for birthdays.

I can imagine that the pressure to have sex is very high for men and boys.

Is that pressure, then, the same as social rape?

I think this is a question we need to give some serious time to in our society, because just focusing on the female-victim/male-perpetrator concept is not solving our sexual problems.

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Sources:
[1] Slate Article
[2] PDF from FBI on the legal changes
[3] Stanford University rape definition article