Cut the crap!

Cerise writes:

I have recently noticed an alarming trend in our language.  It is a specific form of negative body-talk.  So many articles, ads, and women use very violent imagery when discussing parts of their bodies.  Think about it:  banish your butt, burn fat, carve off your curves, destroy your belly, slice your flab, melt your belly, dump your gut, kill your cravings, blast your thighs.  Is this a nice way to talk about yourself?  What would you say to a product that promises to destroy women's bodies?  Doesn't sound so nice now, does it?  What about slicing, cutting, burning?  Why is it okay to use language like this?

I can't decide where this language comes from.  Does it spring from our acceptance of violence against women in popular culture?  Does it come from our habit of insulting overweight people (and, for that matter, not-so-over-weight celebrities?)  Is it just an expression of the very real loathing some women feel for parts of their bodies?  

Well, stop it!  I don't care where it comes from.  It is not okay to talk about yourself or anyone else this way.  Don't buy products that promise to act out violence on your body.  Don't accept this sort of language.

When I took a college course on propaganda (very cool course, by the way), we discussed the insidious impact of propaganda.  Even if you are a very smart, educated person, it seeps into your thinking.  Even if you know it is propaganda, if it is repeated often enough, it soaks into your head.  Even if it is clumsy, stupid propaganda, if it is not contradicted, it is hard to resist.  Advertising is perhaps the most pervasive form of propaganda in our society.  Don't say it is trivial, it is not.  Don't think you can ignore it, you cannot.  But do not accept it.  Do not let it go unchallenged.  The best way to combat propaganda is to recognize it for what it is and to actively disagree with it.

Love Your Body! (Just Not in OUR Clothes)

On the yoga wear company “Lululemon” website Laura M wrote a blog, “Love Your Body.” In it she asks us to recognize the “human body is beautiful.” She also tells us:

“I don’t know the what, when, where, why and how, but, somewhere along the line, we were told that our bodies weren’t good enough. We were told that we should cover-up, hide from the world, if we weren’t a certain body type. Well, forget that!”

Amen, Sister! Sign me up! I’m fired up! Let’s go! Except..oh..wait...I’m not a Lululemon customer.

I can’t be.

According to a recent article at the Huffington Post, “Shunning Plus-Size Shoppers Is Key To Lululemon's Strategy, Insiders Say,” the company’s business model is not to sell any size above a 12. Additionally in many of it stores it is routine not to shelve anything higher than a size 8.

The average size of a woman in this country is a size 14.

I’m not even average sized; I’m bigger. So I’m definitely not the Lululemon customer. There’s nothing on their website for me except some words.

All of this isn’t new. This actually reminds me of something which happened to me back when I was Freshman in highschool. See, I’ve been a full figured woman all my life. Even when I was kid spending my summer riding bikes, hiking in the woods, swimming in the lake, etc... I’ve always been that awful three letter word: FAT.

When I was freshman we had our own separate building where we went to school. It was also the last year of mandatory gym class. Now, I was never very good in gym. However, I enjoyed it. I liked playing games.  I was competitive (still am), but a good sport. Of course it was great to win, but just getting out and playing, whether it was bowling, field hockey, dodgeball, soccer..etc.. was awesome. Sure I loathed running but I could survive that for the chance to play.

As our Freshman year started to come to a close and we had to start choosing classes for our sophomore year I was in a quandary. As a sophomore gym class would no longer be mandatory. Although I knew I wasn’t good at sports, I liked playing. I also understood that exercise was important and that gym class was the one place I exercised consistently. So I went to talk to my gym teacher. I wanted to ask her about whether I should take gym class as a sophomore. Her response, “Gym in high school is really more for athletes.”

So there it was the beginning of an ugly truth in this country. If you fat or overweight you are told, “Lose the weight!” Get active! Exercise! However this is followed by, "Our gym is for athletes and that's not you," or, "Your body doesn't fit our corporate image, so you can’t wear our clothes.”

Now on one hand you might wonder, what’s the big deal? It’s a fitness company. Why should they sell plus sized clothing?

Lululemon is a company which has built its image by focusing on fitness, and not just physical but mental/emotional fitness as indicated by its manifesto. Why would they give lip service to the human body being beautiful, but then exclusively sell only sizes that the average woman cannot wear? Why help keep perpetuating the idea that her “body” is wrong?

If Lululemon is a company that really wants to focus on fitness and clothes for active wear why not sell for women who are active; all women? Do they believe that plus size women don’t exercise? Does Lululemon believe there’s no active wear market for plus size women?

That’s must be a big surprise to Juno Active. They have been in business since 1995.  They offer plus size active wear size 14 and up.  While their “manifesto” won’t be mistaken for a motivational poster it’s still worth a read. Especially when they write statements like:

“We believe that plus size women deserve good quality, fashionable clothing. The Juno Active website is unique in encouraging the plus size woman to "Embrace Your Active Life." We focus on the 40% or more of American women who wear plus sizes and are looking for top-quality gear for workout, ski, swim, camping and more. Juno Active is known for its high-tech fabrics, great fit and functional design that often just can't be found anywhere else. “

Wow! Imagine that a company that recognizes that an average size woman might like do things like swim, camp, ski, etc... Oh, and they are not alone. Just My Size also has a line of workout clothes for us “plus” size women; including yoga pants (surprise Lululemon: they are less $98). I could list other plus size active wear lines. It isn’t hard, just Google “Plus size active wear.”

The point is Lululemon is very much like Abercrombie & Fitch as envisioned in an infamous interview with it’s current CEO, Mike Jefferies. They don’t carry plus sizes because plus sizes don’t fit the image of who they want their customers to be.

So while a Lululemon representative can maintain, “We agree that a beautiful healthy life is not measured by the size you wear,” as quoted in another Huffington Post article. The company has gone on to say “we don’t have plans to change our current sizing structure which is 2-12 for women."

Look, I’m not pushing for Lululemon to sell “plus” size clothes anymore than I’m asking for Juno Active to sell size 2 active wear. Yet, I’m looking for some honesty and awareness here. Don’t tell me to love my body with one message and then “shame” for me not having the “right body” in the next.

At the very least I would love a company that sells ‘fitness’ wear to at least acknowledge the fact they do not sell any clothes which would fit the average size woman. At Lululemon, the average size woman who walks into their store is as unwelcome as someone like me.

I would like to say I defied my gym teacher and showed up ready to tackle high school gym my sophomore year. It didn't go that way. I didn’t take a gym class and I’ve wrestled with being active ever since.

However, a few years ago I did discover an activity that would change my life. No it didn’t make me a supermodel. Yes, I struggle with my weight still. Yet I exercise regularly with a community that celebrates healthy lives but does not measure health by size or age: belly dance.

It’s a good thing there are companies like Juno Active, Just My Size and others where I can get the active wear I need.

*edited by TB

Mind Your Own Business!

Cerise writes:

            Several recent events have made me realize that some people need a reminder:  not everything in the whole wide world is your damn business.  And not everyone needs to hear your opinion.  But am I not just spouting my own opinions, here on this blog?  Perhaps a few examples will clarify what I mean:

            A friend of mine is deaf and has two small children.  Because she is deaf, she is eligible for a handicapped parking permit.  (This depends on the state.) Yes, that’s right.  It is dangerous for a deaf person to navigate a parking lot on foot when everyone else assumes they can hear.  If you can’t hear a car horn or even an idling engine, then you can’t get out of the way.  (Deaf people get killed and injured in parking lots all the time.)  And, as anyone with small children knows, your eyes simply cannot be everywhere at once.  My friend refused to use the handicapped parking permit for which she was eligible until she had two young kids to look after.  Then she admitted it would be safer for them if she didn’t have to try to watch them, hold on to them, and watch every car in sight while she crossed a parking lot.  Now she can park close to the door and keep her children safe.  But one day someone she had never seen before saw her parking (with her valid handicapped permit), hauling her kids out of the car, and heading into the building.  This total stranger took it upon herself to assume that my friend MUST be abusing the system since she didn’t LOOK like a stereotypical disabled person.  And then the stranger also took it upon herself to confront my friend and start scolding her.  My friend is pretty good at lip reading, but it is a difficult skill, made more difficult when you are startled, have no context for what the other person is saying, don’t know the person, or are trying to lip read someone who is yelling at you.  So she didn’t catch every word the stranger was spouting, but she is pretty sure some of the words were not suitable for her children’s ears (they can both hear.)  Then her adorable son burst in, “Stop!” he said, holding up his hand like a tiny policeman directing traffic.  “My momma is DEAF and you leave her alone!”  Well said, young man!  If you don’t know the situation, don’t assume.  And don’t butt in without enough information. 

            Perhaps not surprisingly, similar things have happened to friends of mine with heart trouble and myasthenia gravis.  There are plenty of serious disabilities that some ignorant stranger can’t see.  Don’t assume you know everything!  Better yet, don’t assume anything. 

            Maybe a better way to describe this admonition isn’t “Mind your own Business” but rather “Don’t Judge.”  Even judges and juries don’t make decisions without all the information.  And if they don’t have enough information, then they don’t make a decision at all.  What a great idea for the rest of us!

            Another, less extreme example, comes from my own personal experience.  I was eating at Wendy’s.  Not the pinnacle of healthy cuisine, I know.  But there I was, with my lunch.  I had two $1 hamburgers and an iced tea.  This lunch, by the way, is under 600 calories.  Not a huge meal, it could certainly be a part of a healthy diet.  But, I should add, I am fat.  Overweight.  Obese.  And all that fat is there for the whole word to see.  And so was the food on my tray.  I had not yet taken my first bite when a total stranger started to scold me.  Yes, an adult human being was being scolded by someone they didn’t know about what they were eating.  I was, honestly, totally flummoxed.  This stranger told me I had no business eating that much, that I was fat, that I was making it worse, and that it was my own fault.  I believe my response was something along the lines of a bewildered, “HUH?”  I might have also managed to say “Do I know you?”  The nosy stranger then started to tell me about her personal quest for fitness and weight loss with some herbal supplement that had changed her life.  Ah, I understood now:  this was all about her.  It wasn’t really about her desire to help me, to educate me, it was about her chance to show off, to feel superior to me. 

            Did she really think I hadn’t noticed I was fat?  That I needed someone to tell me?  Someone wrote into Miss Manners with a similar question, something along the lines of “My cousin used to be a very attractive, pretty girl.  But she has let herself go and has gained twenty pounds.  Should I tell her?  How can I tell her to get it together and lose weight?”  Miss Manners was, I have to say, a bit taken aback.  She asked if the reader really thought the cousin would say “Oh, my!  You’re absolutely right.  I hadn’t even noticed!  Thank you so much for pointing it out to me!”  Could anybody really expect that?  I can’t decide if anyone could be that stupid or if they really just want to feel superior to the fat person. 

            So the question is:  stupid or mean?  Maybe they just didn’t think.  I do believe there is an epidemic of speaking without thinking.  If you doubt me, take a look around this Internet here.  Plenty of writing without thinking, no?  So, please, the next time you want to judge, to criticize, to tell someone else how to live their life. . .  Stop!  Think:  do I have all the information?  Is my comment really going to be helpful?  Or am I just mouthing off for my own benefit? 

            I would like to clarify that this post is not meant to contradict another author’s post, “Speak Up for Your Own Good.”  Speaking out to help someone, to offer support is totally different.  In fact, speaking up to someone who insults or offends you might be the only solution to those people who speak without thinking first.  Like the little boy who had to say “Stop!  Leave my momma alone!”  Out of the mouths of babes?