Putting My Money Where My Mouth Is

It’s a commonly used phrase.  “Put your money where your mouth is.” In my family the challenge was made when one party was claiming something that another party disbelieved or disagreed with and so a wager ensued.  I know we did this fairly often but the only one I remember clearly is a fifteen cent wager made with my brother about fifty years ago.  In the strictest sense I did win the bet but our dad (the ultimate authority on these things) called it a draw.  A variation I learned many years later is “Money talks and bullshit walks.”  The Urban Dictionary has this to say about that phrase: Means that cheap talk will get you nowhere, while money will persuade people to do as you like.

That is where I find myself now.  Not so much in the fashion of buying influence but in using my dollars wisely and in accordance to my political, ethical and social beliefs.  I love a good bargain as much as the next person but I’m willing to pay a few dollars more at a local retailer instead of a big chain because these are the kinds of businesses I want to support.  And the flip side is true as well.  

I choose not to shop at Hobby Lobby because I don’t agree with their views on healthcare for their employees.  I don’t eat at Chick-Fil-A because of the owners’ anti-LGBT stance.  (Although I do say blessings to the Orlando Chick-Fil-A location who went in on a Sunday, made food and then took it to the folks involved after a lunatic shot up the Pulse Night killing/injuring over 100 people.)  When I found out that the paper towels and toilet paper (Sparkle and Angel Soft respectively) were part of the Georgia Pacific conglomerate owned by the Koch Brothers, I switched to Bounty and Charmin because at this point, Proctor and Gamble have a decent track record.

I’ll admit that I am a huge fan of New Balance Shoes and have been wearing them for years.  They make a style that corrects for a deformity in the way I walk.  The shoes are very rugged and will take a beating.  They’re comfortable, they fit me well and they’re actually made in America.  What’s not to love, right?  What’s not so lovable is that an officer of the company made a Pro-Trump statement to the Wall Street Journal shortly after the presidential election last year.  They’ve attempted to walk it back (pun intended) by saying that they were referring to the Trans-Pacific Partnership trade deal but the timing of their comment leaves much room for doubt.

This morning I sent an email to New Balance to let them know I’d no longer be buying their shoes and why I had come to that decision.  I said that even though they had an excellent product that was manufactured in the U.S.A., I could not support a company that felt the election of Donald Trump was a good thing.  They can publish all the retractions and explanations they want to.  They can shout from the roof tops how they do not “tolerate bigotry or hate in any form.”  If they really want me and others like me to reconsider, they’ll make a tangible show of support for anti-hate groups.  Because as the saying goes, money talks and bullshit walks.

New Balance, it’s time to put your money where your mouth is.

RFRA Realities

All right, all right.  Everybody just calm down for a moment and take a deep breath!  Panic and histrionics aren’t going to get us anywhere.

As most everyone knows, last week Indiana Governor Mike Pence signed the Religious Freedom Restoration Act into law.  Is it an odious and ill-conceived piece of legislation?  Without a doubt.  People are up in arms and rightfully so but there are some very important points that are being overlooked in all the rhetoric and I want to talk about those points.

First, l’d like to do something that a lot of people (including my friends) will consider heretical.  Let’s take the LGBT community out of the equation.  Yes, they’re human beings and deserve the same rights and respect as anyone else but this law doesn’t change a thing in regards to them.  It was always legal in Indiana to discriminate against them, except in certain municipalities where local ordinances said otherwise.  No one needed this law to do that.  So while I appreciate the righteous indignation of celebrities like Audra MacDonald, Keith Olberman and George Takei, and corporate citizens like GenCon, SalesForce and the NCAA, they’re not helping and I’ll get back to them a bit later.

Now, let’s look at what this law will do that hasn’t been legal before.  My family doctor (whom I adore!) is Catholic and I’m not even nominally Christian.  This law would allow him to say he will no longer provide care for me because of his religious beliefs.  Do I think that would happen?  No, because I know he’s a fair-minded gentleman and my off-beat sense of humor entertains him.  But his practice is part of a large Catholic healthcare system and yes, they could deny me service.  Would they?  Based on previous treatment I’ve received from them, I believe that’s possible.  Remember, Notre Dame University was one of the loudest voices complaining that the Affordable Healthcare Act mandated their medical insurance provide birth control coverage.  

You think we had a problem before with people not vaccinating their children?  Think about how many people will opt out now because of their “deeply held religious beliefs”.  Yes, the state could say it has a compelling interest in preventing epidemics and require vaccinations for children to attend public schools but they haven’t shown any inkling of doing that yet.  Additionally private schools would be exempt and if you think that children only associate with children they go to school with, then you’ve never spent time around children.

Several years ago some friends of mine divorced.  It was the classic no-fault, irreconcilable differences situation.  One thing that was not a in dispute, however, was their desire for their child to be raised in their shared religious faith.  This wouldn’t have been a problem except for the magistrate handling the case.  Her religious views were different and she felt that her opinion was superior to those of the parents and tried to prohibit them from raising their child as they saw fit.  The ACLU intervened and eventually the case was settled in favor of the parents.  But under this law things might have been very different.

With the passage of the RFRA, police, firefighters and EMTs could not be compelled to protect/treat the very citizens whose taxes pay their salaries.  Pharmacists could refuse to dispense drugs that are deemed medically necessary by a physician.  Governor Pence said this law doesn’t endorse discrimination but the very people he invited to attend the bill signing ceremony are saying that it does.  And these examples are just that.  Discrimination by someone whose beliefs are different than the people they serve.  

There is now a push for the legislature to “provide clarity” on this law.  In particular there are those who say wording specifically denying discrimination on the basis of sexual preference or gender identity is what’s needed.  That’s all well and good but it doesn’t go nearly far enough.  It doesn’t protect the woman whose husband claims his religious faith gives him the right to beat her.  It doesn’t protect children whose parents proclaim the biblical “spare the rod and spoil the child” form of discipline.  It doesn’t help women looking for reproductive health care who run afoul of a health care provider’s deeply held religious beliefs.  No, we don’t need “clarity”.  We need the law repealed.

Now back to those unhelpful people/companies who advocate that everyone boycott the state?  Sounds wonderful but who are you really hurting when you do this?  Well, you’re not just hurting the bigots.  You’re hurting those of us who live here and and work for equality.  And mostly you’re hurting the large urban centers where a great deal of the  work for equality (for everyone) is being done.  #BoycottIndiana?  Unrealistic.  Not everyone who disagrees with this law can just up and move elsewhere.  “Hit ‘em in the wallet!” sounds great but be aware whose wallets you’re hitting.  Better idea?  Come to Indiana and patronize the businesses that promote inclusivity.   Then tell others so they can patronize them too.  Put it on social media and use the hashtag #inmyIndiana  It’s been my experience that there isn’t a huge number of people or businesses which practice discrimination.

And so once again, I’m asking everyone to take a deep breath and a step back.  Watch carefully to see how this all shakes out.  Continue to call out the parties who passed this shameful bill and the governor who signed it.  Remember them when they stand for re-election next year.  Boycott the businesses who support them and their campaigns.  

Already awareness has been raised that there are a lot of very vocal people who will call out those who use this law to discriminate and people/businesses will respond accordingly.  There is a popular meme that says “if you don’t like gay marriage, don’t get one.”  I’d like to add that if you don’t like bigots, refuse to associate with them. Then go out and tell everyone else who they are so we can avoid them too.

What Sin, a Name?

When I was in elementary school, I had a friend named Colleen.  At least, I thought her name was Colleen.  Come to find out her first name was actually Marliss but Colleen was her middle name and that was the one she used.  I learned this in third grade when a substitute teacher continually referred to her as Marliss and she refused to answer to anything but Colleen.  And at that young age, I began to formulate a pattern that would stick with me all my life.  I address people by the name they choose, not the name I choose.

This pattern has not been without problem... like when my cousin grew older and chose to go by Don instead of Donnie.  But as a rule, if you introduce yourself to me as Robert, I will not call you Rob or Bobby.  And if there’s any possibility of confusion, I ask for clarification.

As I got older and started associating with people in so-call alternative communities, this policy got a little trickier. You see, that pagan over there probably doesn’t have the name Starfire on her birth certificate. And that big burly leather man in the dungeon who asked me to call him Master Zeus? I suspect his driver’s license lists a completely different moniker.  The woman I know from a particular fandom doesn’t file her taxes under the name of Icecat but that’s how everyone refers to her.  And, of course, on the internet lots of people use different names which vexes Mark Zuckerberg.

Several months ago, Facebook enacted a policy requiring people to use their legal name on their profile or else they’d be shut down.  Some people complied. Others decided to take a chance and leave it.  And the drag queens fought back.  At the beginning of this controversy, my opinion was that it was all about the money.  When this dust up started, Facebook created a policy whereby one could purchase a separate page for an “alternate name”.  However, as events have unfolded, I’m beginning to rethink that.  I’m still convinced that there’s a certain commercial aspect to it, but it’s also so arbitrary and capricious that it’s designed to invite abuse.

In fact, the very arbitrary nature of the policy (they rely on Facebook users to report “violations”) makes it completely ridiculous.  Just because a name appears “different” doesn’t mean it isn’t that person’s legal name.  I know a guy who is working on getting his name legally changed to Sir because he thinks it would be cool to sign documents with Sir Formerfirstname Lastname.  For the sake of argument, let’s say the courts grant his petition. What’s Facebook going to do with that?  Not everyone is named Dick or Jane.  Penn Jillette (the “Penn” in Penn & Teller) named his daughter Moxie Crimefighter.  Gwyneth Paltrow has a daughter named Apple.  

A few years ago a pregnant co-worker was trying to choose a name for her baby.  She started making a list of all the names she couldn’t use because other family members had gotten to them first.  In jest, a few of us started suggesting more “unusual” names from the legal documents we saw everyday, and thus, a second list was born.  Look at the names below and try to guess which one isn’t from that list  

Chasity

Orien

Eustorgio

Servillano

Anunciada

Velveeta

Angaleathia

Whiskey

LaGlissa

Jariot

Trick question.  They’re all from the list.  And this points out a major flaw in Facebook’s policy.  Just because someone sees a name and thinks ‘that can’t be their legal name’, doesn’t mean that it isn’t.  And even if it wasn’t, what does it matter and who cares?

Oh yeah, Mark Zuckerberg cares.  During the height Facebook -vs- Drag Queens, Zuckerberg published his thoughts on the matter saying that having multiple identities is unethical. I would agree with him but he’s entirely missing the point.  There is a difference between an identity and a persona and most of us do have multiple personas.  We’re chameleons, adapting to our environment.  Sometimes we give those personas a different name for various reasons and there’s nothing wrong with that.

As my attorney said to me when my ex-husband and I divorced, you can call yourself anything you like as long as you’re not doing it to commit fraud.  Yes, there is a lot of fraud committed on the internet.  But Facebook is tilting at windmills if they think they can singlehandedly wipe it out just by requiring profiles to list someone’s legal name.  And they’re ethically challenged when they create policies that discriminate against any group of people.

I actually started writing this piece months ago and the day before it was to go live, Facebook announced that they would no longer enforce their “real names” policy.  Dang, a perfectly good blog down the drain.  I even joked to a friend that I don’t complain when people/corporations do the right thing but that in this case, I could possibly make an exception. Fortunately for the story, and unfortunately for those involved, yesterday I learned that Facebook is at it again.  Last time it seemed to be primarily drag queens.  This time it’s pagans. Next time it may be left-handed twelve year olds from Mozambique.  It doesn’t matter. It’s discrimination and it’s wrong.  

For more information on the latest round of discrimination, check out this article or this FB post.  If you believe that Facebook shouldn’t discriminate against anyone especially based on such a convoluted policy, go sign this petition.