Cut the crap!

Cerise writes:

I have recently noticed an alarming trend in our language.  It is a specific form of negative body-talk.  So many articles, ads, and women use very violent imagery when discussing parts of their bodies.  Think about it:  banish your butt, burn fat, carve off your curves, destroy your belly, slice your flab, melt your belly, dump your gut, kill your cravings, blast your thighs.  Is this a nice way to talk about yourself?  What would you say to a product that promises to destroy women's bodies?  Doesn't sound so nice now, does it?  What about slicing, cutting, burning?  Why is it okay to use language like this?

I can't decide where this language comes from.  Does it spring from our acceptance of violence against women in popular culture?  Does it come from our habit of insulting overweight people (and, for that matter, not-so-over-weight celebrities?)  Is it just an expression of the very real loathing some women feel for parts of their bodies?  

Well, stop it!  I don't care where it comes from.  It is not okay to talk about yourself or anyone else this way.  Don't buy products that promise to act out violence on your body.  Don't accept this sort of language.

When I took a college course on propaganda (very cool course, by the way), we discussed the insidious impact of propaganda.  Even if you are a very smart, educated person, it seeps into your thinking.  Even if you know it is propaganda, if it is repeated often enough, it soaks into your head.  Even if it is clumsy, stupid propaganda, if it is not contradicted, it is hard to resist.  Advertising is perhaps the most pervasive form of propaganda in our society.  Don't say it is trivial, it is not.  Don't think you can ignore it, you cannot.  But do not accept it.  Do not let it go unchallenged.  The best way to combat propaganda is to recognize it for what it is and to actively disagree with it.

Do You Love Your Body?

When most folks think of NOW (National Organization for Women) they generally think of political actions and then a whole bunch of stereotypes that have little reality.  NOW has also maintained a few radical feminist ideas as well even though they are very much a liberal organization.  Don't know the difference between liberal and radical feminism?  I'll talk about that in a bit; I have a minor in women's studies so I've studied the differences.

Official Poster for 2013 Love Your Body

One of the more radical things they do is urge an internal change of major importance.  They urge women to love their bodies with an annual event called "Love Your Body" that I have tried to observe for a few years now even though the campaign has been going on for over a decade now. Part of this campaign this year is a new project called "Let's Talk About It" inspired by the National Eating Disorder Awareness Week.  As a radical feminist, as a survivor of eating disorder, and as a woman this event means a lot to me but as you'll discover below it is also a very huge challenge for me.

I've been losing weight and some might wonder if I can say that I love my body and still be losing as much weight as I have -- currently I'm down 50 pounds for 2013.  The fact is that I've always struggled with my weight and I don't mean that I've always been big but that I've never known what I should weigh, what is healthy.  I saw a nutritionist for several years and she told me to ignore all those charts because they never considered the individual, the ethnic background, the bone structure, and the rest of the physical and emotional health of the person. She took all of that into consideration and told me if I ever got below 145 pounds again she'd put me in the hospital.  But when I started to have troubling walking a few blocks after eating a full meal, I decided I needed to loss a bit... I've just kept going but I am consulting with my doctor and using a very stable and slow approach.

But my post isn't about weight as much as it is about how I've never been able to trust or love my body and I'm struggling to learn to do so.

You see I'm a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and emotional/psychological abuse.  My body was something that was constantly used against me by males larger than I and by females who wanted to feel more powerful themselves by sending me conflicting messages.

My mother was the number one attacker. By the time I was in high school I don't think there was a day that I didn't hear "you are getting too fat" in the morning before I left for school and then hearing "you need to eat, you are getting too thin" at dinner that same night.

Can you imagine how confused that made me?

My body was unknown to me as a positive thing, it was unknowable to me even in terms of the basic idea of what I should look like or weigh.

Instead my body betrayed me constantly.

Getting sick often; too often it seems according to letters I received with my medical records many years back. Did my mother do something to me to make me sick because she got sympathy for being my caregiver?  I know she herself got sick a lot and it is no coincidence that she went into a wheelchair right after I started therapy to recover from my childhood abuse.  I do know that tests have shown doctors and I that I have a very weak immune system not because I'm ill but probably since before I was born.  Of course my mother almost died within a few years of my birth and she (and my father) told me that her doctors had suggested an abortion for her health -- she CHOSE not to do that.  (That is why I am pro-choice so strongly.)

My body was what was molested and raped three times by the age of six.  The memories, both conscious and unconscious damaged my ability to have healthy sex for years and years.  I think that part of my being fat or having eating disorders was an attempt to conquer my body, get control over what seemed utterly out of my control.

My body simply wasn't safe so I invested far more in my mind as a student then scholar and as an author and storyteller.  In my mind I could be in control, I could be free of this shell that tormented me from my earliest memories.

I can't say that I love my body.

I can say I am trying and NOW's campaign reassures me that I am not alone.

Non-Heroic Attitudes on "Heroes of Cosplay"

I'm a science fiction, fantasy, horror, etc fan and author so I had to check out the new SyFy series "Heroes of Cosplay" even though I don't normally watch competition shows.  I've seen some episodes of a few other art competition shows in the past and thought may this might also have commentary on geek culture and conventions that have been getting so much attention on the Net this year especially in regards to women in the subculture. After three episodes I feel that I need to express some of my thoughts.

Episode one made it clear that this was not a regular competition series.  This isn't "Face Off" (SyFy), "Design Star" (HGTV), or "Top Chef" (Bravo) where a group of competitors have specific tasks they most complete and then a winner or loser is declared for each episode.  Thank goodness!  I find so many of those shows contrived and I get bored after awhile as the artists and chefs start arguing while they are supposed to be creating.  No, "Heroes of Cosplay" follows eight artists who compete in the cosplay category at science fiction, anime, and related conventions around the USA. The ninth "hero" is Yaya Han who has turned her own cosplay and competing in contests at convention into a career.  Given that only one man is a "hero" on this show, though there are support male staff, assistants, and lovers of some of the other "heroes" I hoped this show would address some of the fandom problems that have be getting Net attention this year.

My hopes were almost dashed in episode two when our cosplay competitors get together at the convention to welcome the newest member Chloe Dykstra.  Up until this point in the show I had been impressed with the helpful advice and commentary from Yaya Han .  However during this dinner the other cosplayer competitors there, the vast majority of whom are female with only a few supportive males at this dinner, start making comments about how certain body types should not be doing cosplay and when Chloe objects they basically tell her that she is naive and they are trying to protect people from rude comments in person and online.

STOP!

What?

One of the threads in this episode before this dinner was Yaya telling us and Monika Lee (whom she sees as a good friend and protégé) that sexy shouldn't be the focus for cosplay.  Yaya is the "Ambassador of Cosplay" and at first I thought the "sexy isn't the point" was a pretty cool statement to make.  Yaya's own career shows that she tries to make the characters she is playing come alive, yes, some of them, many of them, let's be honest, are sexy because this is how women have been shown in much of geek culture.  I thought she might be making a comment about how anyone who wants to cosplay should and that promoting just the sexual spin is undermining the point of cosplay.

Until she and the rest of the cosplay competitors used that old excuse of caring about overweight people's feelings as a reason they shouldn't cosplay as certain characters.

Had the group at dinner been discussing competing in cosplay competitions their weight comment would have made perfect sense.  In the competitions you are judged on the quality of the costume and the quality of your acting like the character.  If you being an existing character it makes perfect sense that you want your body type to match as closely as possible the character.  But they didn't say they were only talking about the competitions, they made a blanket statement about who should and how they should cosplay.

Some reviews online of this episode and the previous one have pointed out that Becky Young, another competitor, said that she picks characters that fit her body type and are attempting to make the dinner conversation and her state equivalent.  They are not the same and this is why.

Becky's comment was about her choices as a cosplay competitor, someone who does contests for money and to promote her career.  She was not making a comment about how other people, especially non-contest cosplayers, should be dressed.  One comment is personal, the other comments are presented as a group acceptance of some universal standard for anyone who wants to cosplay in public.

Note that the sexy isn't the point idea is also presented as Yaya's vision not an ideal embraced by the group of competitors on the show.

Yes, people can be cruel but telling others how to dress because you don't want their feelings hurt is really just empowering that cruelty to continue. It is really just promoting the stereotypes about geek culture and not confronting them.

But then again is this show about confronting stereotypes and promoting cosplay for a wider audience?  Given that so many of our competitors are trying to make careers out of this not just as cosplayers but as prop and costume makers I'd think they'd want to maximize their potential buyers circle.  You don't do that by saying who can and can't pretend to be a particular character for fun. You do that by making a wide range of sizes or opening up the custom made aspect but you also do that by speaking up for every geek's right to embody their favorite characters without cruelty.

Episode three seemed to happen in a vacuum with only a few of our previous competitors showing up for Megacon.  The episode fell back on the relationship between competitors and their supportive lovers and friends or in this case the potential break up of the Jessica and Holly team who have been friends for even longer than they've been business partners.  I suppose this relationship stuff is interesting but given that we don't know how the cast was chosen for this series I'm not as invested in them as individuals as I am in their approach to cosplay as potential career versus fun hobby, buying into the stereotypes of fandom versus expanding the audience and customers of cosplay.  On the up side I wasn't turn off or inflamed by this episode so I'll watch again and see if the bugaboo of sexism and sizism rears up again.

Love Your Body! (Just Not in OUR Clothes)

On the yoga wear company “Lululemon” website Laura M wrote a blog, “Love Your Body.” In it she asks us to recognize the “human body is beautiful.” She also tells us:

“I don’t know the what, when, where, why and how, but, somewhere along the line, we were told that our bodies weren’t good enough. We were told that we should cover-up, hide from the world, if we weren’t a certain body type. Well, forget that!”

Amen, Sister! Sign me up! I’m fired up! Let’s go! Except..oh..wait...I’m not a Lululemon customer.

I can’t be.

According to a recent article at the Huffington Post, “Shunning Plus-Size Shoppers Is Key To Lululemon's Strategy, Insiders Say,” the company’s business model is not to sell any size above a 12. Additionally in many of it stores it is routine not to shelve anything higher than a size 8.

The average size of a woman in this country is a size 14.

I’m not even average sized; I’m bigger. So I’m definitely not the Lululemon customer. There’s nothing on their website for me except some words.

All of this isn’t new. This actually reminds me of something which happened to me back when I was Freshman in highschool. See, I’ve been a full figured woman all my life. Even when I was kid spending my summer riding bikes, hiking in the woods, swimming in the lake, etc... I’ve always been that awful three letter word: FAT.

When I was freshman we had our own separate building where we went to school. It was also the last year of mandatory gym class. Now, I was never very good in gym. However, I enjoyed it. I liked playing games.  I was competitive (still am), but a good sport. Of course it was great to win, but just getting out and playing, whether it was bowling, field hockey, dodgeball, soccer..etc.. was awesome. Sure I loathed running but I could survive that for the chance to play.

As our Freshman year started to come to a close and we had to start choosing classes for our sophomore year I was in a quandary. As a sophomore gym class would no longer be mandatory. Although I knew I wasn’t good at sports, I liked playing. I also understood that exercise was important and that gym class was the one place I exercised consistently. So I went to talk to my gym teacher. I wanted to ask her about whether I should take gym class as a sophomore. Her response, “Gym in high school is really more for athletes.”

So there it was the beginning of an ugly truth in this country. If you fat or overweight you are told, “Lose the weight!” Get active! Exercise! However this is followed by, "Our gym is for athletes and that's not you," or, "Your body doesn't fit our corporate image, so you can’t wear our clothes.”

Now on one hand you might wonder, what’s the big deal? It’s a fitness company. Why should they sell plus sized clothing?

Lululemon is a company which has built its image by focusing on fitness, and not just physical but mental/emotional fitness as indicated by its manifesto. Why would they give lip service to the human body being beautiful, but then exclusively sell only sizes that the average woman cannot wear? Why help keep perpetuating the idea that her “body” is wrong?

If Lululemon is a company that really wants to focus on fitness and clothes for active wear why not sell for women who are active; all women? Do they believe that plus size women don’t exercise? Does Lululemon believe there’s no active wear market for plus size women?

That’s must be a big surprise to Juno Active. They have been in business since 1995.  They offer plus size active wear size 14 and up.  While their “manifesto” won’t be mistaken for a motivational poster it’s still worth a read. Especially when they write statements like:

“We believe that plus size women deserve good quality, fashionable clothing. The Juno Active website is unique in encouraging the plus size woman to "Embrace Your Active Life." We focus on the 40% or more of American women who wear plus sizes and are looking for top-quality gear for workout, ski, swim, camping and more. Juno Active is known for its high-tech fabrics, great fit and functional design that often just can't be found anywhere else. “

Wow! Imagine that a company that recognizes that an average size woman might like do things like swim, camp, ski, etc... Oh, and they are not alone. Just My Size also has a line of workout clothes for us “plus” size women; including yoga pants (surprise Lululemon: they are less $98). I could list other plus size active wear lines. It isn’t hard, just Google “Plus size active wear.”

The point is Lululemon is very much like Abercrombie & Fitch as envisioned in an infamous interview with it’s current CEO, Mike Jefferies. They don’t carry plus sizes because plus sizes don’t fit the image of who they want their customers to be.

So while a Lululemon representative can maintain, “We agree that a beautiful healthy life is not measured by the size you wear,” as quoted in another Huffington Post article. The company has gone on to say “we don’t have plans to change our current sizing structure which is 2-12 for women."

Look, I’m not pushing for Lululemon to sell “plus” size clothes anymore than I’m asking for Juno Active to sell size 2 active wear. Yet, I’m looking for some honesty and awareness here. Don’t tell me to love my body with one message and then “shame” for me not having the “right body” in the next.

At the very least I would love a company that sells ‘fitness’ wear to at least acknowledge the fact they do not sell any clothes which would fit the average size woman. At Lululemon, the average size woman who walks into their store is as unwelcome as someone like me.

I would like to say I defied my gym teacher and showed up ready to tackle high school gym my sophomore year. It didn't go that way. I didn’t take a gym class and I’ve wrestled with being active ever since.

However, a few years ago I did discover an activity that would change my life. No it didn’t make me a supermodel. Yes, I struggle with my weight still. Yet I exercise regularly with a community that celebrates healthy lives but does not measure health by size or age: belly dance.

It’s a good thing there are companies like Juno Active, Just My Size and others where I can get the active wear I need.

*edited by TB