Cerise expands on a previous post:
The Church of the Free Boobs
This new, universal Church is hereby established to further
the acceptance and appreciation of unbound, braless breasts, in all their
shapes, sizes, and forms. The need
for such a denomination is abundantly clear. Not only are braless breasts maligned in the media, but
braless women are attacked verbally and physically without cause or
provocation. Natural breasts are
unappreciated, mocked, and abused.
This Church will offer a refuge and support for those who suffer from
this abuse, and will espouse the cause of self-acceptance to all the
world.
Sacraments of the Church
1.
The sacrament with which neophytes should first
acquaint themselves is the Revelation.
This is the actual removal of a bra from previously oppressed
breasts. For many postulants, this
sacrament will be needed daily, as the wearing of bras is all too common in
this tarnished world. The
Revelation may be performed alone or with the assistance of another member of
the Church. Sighing and singing
generally follow the Revelation, but are not actually required.
2.
It is a widespread misconception that the Burning
of Bras is the principal rite of the Church. This is not true.
Burning was never common, but its theatrical nature attracted much
notice, unfortunately eclipsing many of the other activities of the
Church. Today this ritual is
primarily observed for its historical significance, in honor or our courageous
foremothers. The Burning of Bras
should only be performed carefully, with due regard for safety and
environmental correctness, and on rare occasions. Burning is not forbidden, but is not encouraged. Many bras can be recycled, either to
perform their original function or to serve other purposes (slingshots, kitten
hammocks, skullcaps, etc.) Paper
effigies of bras may be burnt to prevent waste and avoid expense.
3.
One of the highest sacraments of this Church is
celebrated in dance. Dance has
long been associated with the sacred feminine and with the expression of
ecstatic emotion. As such, it is
particularly suited to the rituals of our Church. The particular sacrament performed during the liturgical
dance is sometimes called the Shoulder Shimmy. Although the sacrament appears to be centered on the
breasts, the dancer will soon learn that the movement begins with the shoulders
and is then divinely manifested in the breasts. It is not necessary for this sacrament to be performed in
the nude, although bralessness is encouraged.
4.
Another sacrament dear to the maternal,
nurturing heart of this Church is often maligned and attacked by the less
enlightened. This sacrament is the
nursing of a child. For obvious
reasons, some members of the Church may never have the opportunity to perform
this sacrament, but they can support and assist in the ritual by such actions
as fetching drinks and pillows for the celebrant. This sacrament may be performed in any and all places where
there is a nursing mother and child present, and is protected by law. Do not allow anyone to intimidate you
or others in the celebration of this sacrament! It is to be embraced and respected, not hidden.
5.
A less well-known, but no less sacred, ritual is
generally performed in private rather than public. This is the rite of Self-Acceptance. It varies with the needs of the
individual celebrant, but it may include going naked, looking in the mirror,
and positive self-talk. Wearing
perfume, jewelry and body paint may enhance the experience. The neophyte is encouraged to embrace
this ritual as the first step toward enlightened freedom.
Clarifications
Breasts are defined as the area on the
frontal side of the ribs. There is
no limitation on gender, sex, or size.
All breasts are welcome in this church, male or female, and all are
equally beautiful. No breasts are
privileged above any others.
The wearing of bras is not forbidden by the
Church. However, the requirement
that bras be worn is anathema to the Church and violates the very principles
upon which it is founded. If
breasts of all shapes and sizes are accepted as equal, then perky, firm, or
motionless breasts are in no way to be favored over saggy, jiggly, or braless
breasts. It is a firm belief of
this church that what you wear under your clothes is a personal decision and
must remain your choice. That
choice is far more important than any shred of lace or scrap of elastic.
It is important to remember that many
members of the human race are not as enlightened as the members of our
Faith. Their ignorance should be
met with patient forbearance. For
instance, if an ill-informed woman maligns the state of her own breasts, she
might benefit from a patient statement of the core beliefs of this Church, but
she should not be attacked just because she is not as far along the path to
Enlightenment as some others might be.
Of course, those who attempt to interfere with the lawful and proper
practice of any religious beliefs, including those of this Church, should be
either ignored, scolded, or sued, as appropriate. The Church does not encourage physical violence. Two wrongs do not make a right, and
winning a large settlement is so much more satisfying, anyway.
