Putting My Money Where My Mouth Is

It’s a commonly used phrase.  “Put your money where your mouth is.” In my family the challenge was made when one party was claiming something that another party disbelieved or disagreed with and so a wager ensued.  I know we did this fairly often but the only one I remember clearly is a fifteen cent wager made with my brother about fifty years ago.  In the strictest sense I did win the bet but our dad (the ultimate authority on these things) called it a draw.  A variation I learned many years later is “Money talks and bullshit walks.”  The Urban Dictionary has this to say about that phrase: Means that cheap talk will get you nowhere, while money will persuade people to do as you like.

That is where I find myself now.  Not so much in the fashion of buying influence but in using my dollars wisely and in accordance to my political, ethical and social beliefs.  I love a good bargain as much as the next person but I’m willing to pay a few dollars more at a local retailer instead of a big chain because these are the kinds of businesses I want to support.  And the flip side is true as well.  

I choose not to shop at Hobby Lobby because I don’t agree with their views on healthcare for their employees.  I don’t eat at Chick-Fil-A because of the owners’ anti-LGBT stance.  (Although I do say blessings to the Orlando Chick-Fil-A location who went in on a Sunday, made food and then took it to the folks involved after a lunatic shot up the Pulse Night killing/injuring over 100 people.)  When I found out that the paper towels and toilet paper (Sparkle and Angel Soft respectively) were part of the Georgia Pacific conglomerate owned by the Koch Brothers, I switched to Bounty and Charmin because at this point, Proctor and Gamble have a decent track record.

I’ll admit that I am a huge fan of New Balance Shoes and have been wearing them for years.  They make a style that corrects for a deformity in the way I walk.  The shoes are very rugged and will take a beating.  They’re comfortable, they fit me well and they’re actually made in America.  What’s not to love, right?  What’s not so lovable is that an officer of the company made a Pro-Trump statement to the Wall Street Journal shortly after the presidential election last year.  They’ve attempted to walk it back (pun intended) by saying that they were referring to the Trans-Pacific Partnership trade deal but the timing of their comment leaves much room for doubt.

This morning I sent an email to New Balance to let them know I’d no longer be buying their shoes and why I had come to that decision.  I said that even though they had an excellent product that was manufactured in the U.S.A., I could not support a company that felt the election of Donald Trump was a good thing.  They can publish all the retractions and explanations they want to.  They can shout from the roof tops how they do not “tolerate bigotry or hate in any form.”  If they really want me and others like me to reconsider, they’ll make a tangible show of support for anti-hate groups.  Because as the saying goes, money talks and bullshit walks.

New Balance, it’s time to put your money where your mouth is.

The Normal Heart

The Normal Heart

Sunday, May 25, 2014. The day I’d been anticipating for what seemed like decades.  Finally, HBO would premier its production of Larry Kramer’s play The Normal Heart.  You can read more about the story here but let me summarize by saying it’s a memoir of the onset of the AIDS crisis in America.  Don’t panic. This is not a movie review, although I will include some comments on the film. Mostly this is just some thoughts that came to me while watching.

I first saw this play in 1986/87 when it was done by the Way Off Broadway theater in Indianapolis. I’d known one of the actors for many years and was there mainly to support him.  I certainly wasn’t prepared for the emotional roller-coaster that I’d be riding that night.  At that point in time, there was so much we didn’t know about HIV/AIDS. President Reagan had barely even mentioned it in public. Ryan White and his family were receiving death threats.  The medical establishment seemed to be focused more on controlling the illnesses associated with a compromised immune system than they were actually controlling the virus.  And there were a lot of people in the health care industry who wouldn’t treat or even touch anyone with AIDS.

At that point in my life, I only knew a very small handful of gay men and none of them were HIV positive. But I remember the Gay Men’s Health Crisis. Some younger readers may find this odd, but at the time they were the only group distributing information on condom use.  Even Planned Parenthood used the GMHC brochure because they didn’t have one of their own.

Looking back almost thirty years later so many things have changed both for me personally and for the world at large.  I am saddened to have lost friends to this terrible disease. But on the plus side (no pun intended) I now know a lot more gay guys. I’m pleased and honored to call some of them my friend.  

Over the years, I’ve learned that a few of those friends HIV positive.  But their viral load is so small as to be nearly undetectable which is something we couldn’t even have imagined in 1987.  The world at large has come to accept that this is not a plague limited to a certain small percentage of the population.  We accept that this is an illness that doesn’t discriminate based on race, gender, identity or even social status, thanks to people like Ryan White and Arthur Ashe.  Sadly there are still places where ignorance rules but even those seem to be shrinking.

To paraphrase Dan Savage... it has gotten better.

As for the movie itself, it was great! Larry Kramer’s words are as powerful now as they were thirty years ago.  The visuals reflect the in-your-face attitude of the protagonist, Ned Weeks. This movie deserves its TV-MA rating, as any frank depiction of the subject would.  If you think you’ll be squicked by the sex, just avert your eyes for a few seconds.  The scenes are, for the most part, brief.

The acting here is magnificent! I’ve been watching Mark Ruffalo for nearly twenty years and it seems like he just gets better and better in each new role.  If you’ve only seen Jim Parsons as Sheldon Cooper on The Big Bang Theory you really need to see him here as Tommy Boatright. His soliloquy about rolodex cards (no spoilers here) grabbed me by the heart and squeezed with a grip I didn’t think possible.  Mark Ruffalo and Matt Bomer have a chemistry that nearly jumps off the screen. I’m a fan of Bomer’s but I’m so used to seeing him as the glib con man, Neil Caffrey, on White Collar that I’d forgotten just how much depth he can bring to a part. And I’d like to nominate Alfred Molina as my generation’s ‘man of a thousand faces’. I almost didn’t recognize him in the role of Ned’s homophobic brother. You’d never believe this is the same man who played Doc Ock in Spiderman II or Angel, the hired killer in Maverick. 

When HBO announced that they were going to be making this into a film, I was elated. And then I waited anxiously to see what they’d do with the material. I’ll admit that I was a little scared, even with the top-notch cast and Ryan Murphy as director, that it wouldn’t live up to my memories and my expectations.  I needn’t have worried. It’s amazing!  If you have the opportunity to watch this film, please do so.  It’s a wonderful reminder of how far society has come, while also reminding us that there is still more to be done.

In loving memory of Robbie McKinnon and Dale Jordan.

Beyond the Hashtags

#YesAllWomen  #NotAllMen

It’s hard to know what to say about the killing spree Randall Elliot engaged in on May 23rd. So much has already been said. And yet it doesn’t quite seem like enough has been said. Or maybe it’s just not what I’ve wanted to hear.

You see, Randall Elliot isn’t the problem. This was just a specific incidence of a broader issue. It doesn’t matter if it’s a 22 year old who is pissed off because he can’t get laid.  It doesn’t matter if it’s a man in Indianapolis who repeatedly drugged his wife and raped her while she was unconscious because she was “snippy”. For that matter, the problem is not the judge in the case who sentenced the rapist to 8 years of home detention (prosecutors asked for 20-60 years in prison) and then told the woman to forgive her husband.

They’re all symptoms of a problem that has shown up with increasing frequency and that is the discounting, disregarding and dismissing of women everywhere.  We used to think that these kinds of atrocities only happened in other countries, in “less civilized” societies (think “honor killings” or “forced genital mutilation”). We believed that the advancements made by the women’s movement of the 1960s and1970s were correcting this problem  We were wrong.  It’s happening here in the USA and it’s complete intolerable.

What to do then? I know my words won’t be popular but we, as women, have to raise our voices and state unequivocally that this is unacceptable.  And we have to do it over and over again until our message gets through.  It’s all well and good to add the Yes All Women hashtag to our tweets and Facebook postings but it’s not enough because in a few months this will fade out and some other phrase will be popular.  We have to look at this behavior and call it out for what it is... bullshit.  

It doesn’t matter when or where. Much has been said lately about the way females are harassed at SciFi/Fantasy/Media/Comic conventions. Yes it’s wrong and yes plenty of people blog about it. Necessary but insufficient. We have to call out the miscreants at the time they’re being jerks. We have to say “Not cool, dude” or “Don’t be a dick” (thank you Wil Wheaton) or just say “Not acceptable!” And we have to do it over and over again.  If someone says a woman is worth less in some capacity just because she is a woman, that person needs to be hauled up short and told this behavior won’t be tolerated.  Do not debate about why we’re worthy.  Just call their bullshit for what it is and move on.

We have to tell the judge in Indianapolis that his sentence was grossly negligent. We have to tell parents, coaches and teachers in Steubenville, Ohio that when a bunch of jocks use an inebriated girl as the object of a gang bang, they cannot sweep it under the rug. We have to get up in the faces of Department of Corrections officials who don’t tell rape survivors that their attackers have been released from prison, despite the fact that the law requires them to do so (my own personal experience).

And one final thought for those who believe this message is only to those of us with two X chromosomes, listen up fellas.  Every last one of you, especially the #NotAllMen guys, needs to stand up and say the same thing. Psychosocial studies would tell us that this kind of message will have more impact if it comes from men than from women but leaving it to the guys just perpetuates the problem. So while it’s important that everyone speak up, it’s truly a case where we have to heed the call of Aretha Franklin.

“Sisters are doin’ it for themselves!”

Newest Butt Kicking Woman Writing About It

Hi there and happy Tuesday. I’m Lisa and I’m the newest Butt Kicking Woman here at the blog.  I’m happy and honored to have been asked to join this group of incredible women. And since I’m new here, I want to tell you a little bit about me.

I am, in no particular order, a wife; eclectic pagan; reader; writer; “creative goddess”; paralegal; crafter; Dueser; Castillion; blogger; miscellaneous fan-girl; smutty wench; geek; a lover of music, dance, & dogs, and a woman with a very warped sense of humor.

What you can expect from me--A variety of blogs. Some long and involved and some short and sweet. Some will be very serious and some will be more light-hearted. Some are just very short stories or observations.  

Like the other ladies here, I’m opinionated and I don’t mind sharing. I don’t expect everyone to agree with me, not even the other Butt Kicking Women.  There are a lot of people I know whose views on certain things are in opposition to my own.  And there are some I disagree with but can still respect because I know they are well thought-out.  They aren’t just parroting a particular point of view.  

You can also expect that I will be, in most cases, very blunt. I will go beyond calling a spade a spade. I will call it a damn shovel if I think that’s necessary. You can’t have an open and honest dialogue if you’re constantly mincing words and speaking in euphemisms.  And that’s what I hope most of my blogs will be... a chance to start a dialogue.  

So thanks for taking a few moments to read this.  I look forward to speaking with you soon.