When Women Look the Other Way: Enabling the Cycle of Abuse

(Raven Wing is on vacation this week. Prosey Rose is filling in for her this Wednesday.)

For the last week one of the hot videos making the round in social media, internet news sites and blogs is that of Monica Contreras being arrested “for making a false allegation against a police officer” in March 2011.

First, let’s be clear that this is NO such law in Nevada jurisdiction. Even putting aside the sexual assault, this arrest was a gross violation of Ms. Contreras’ rights.

But we cannot and should not put aside the sexual assault charges. In fact one of the most astounding thing about this incident is that Ms. Contreras is being arrested by the man she has just accused of sexual assault in front of another officer of the court, and the court Magistrate does nothing.

Before I go any further let me give you the chance to watch the video yourself from CBS Station KLAS as they first reported the incident in March. I warn you, while this is work safe, it is not easy to watch.

I-Team: Cover-Up Alleged in Family Court

The result of the internal affairs investigation led to Marshal Fox being fired. However, I don't want to focus on Fox's actions. I hate to say I'm jaded and not surprised by his actions.  It is difficult for many people to acknowledge, but we live in a rape culture. Most men (and women) are not “evil” or sexual predators, but how are we supposed know the difference?  We live everyday uncertain whether a family member, someone in the clergy, a teacher, a friend, a partner, a spouse, a stranger and yes even a law enforcement officer might sexually assault, abuse or exploit us.

This is a sad fact, one I learned at the age of thirteen at a slumber party. Of the five girls present all but one of us had been sexually assaulted or abused in some way by a man she was supposed to trust. Again, I stress, I do not believe all men are predators or rapists. I don't. However, if I am to bear any responsibility in my own safety then I must acknowledge the fact someone I know or encounter may indeed be a predator.

Focusing back on the incident, what shocked me the most was the Magistrate's reaction. Here we see a woman in a position of power. She's adorned in a vestment we associate with power, a judge's robe. Yet, she acts powerless. Worse, she acts less than powerless.

While Ms. Contreras is bearing witness to what happened to her, pleading for someone to hear and help her, Magistrate Doninger literally turns her back and interacts with Ms. Contreras' child. It's in that moment where I feel a visceral response to the video.

Something inside of me breaks. I am not saying Magistrate Doninger should have bounded over the bench like some sort of Wonder Woman and wrestled Ms. Contreras away from the Marshal. (Though isn't that a nice fantasy?)

(We can dream right? -  Wonder Woman image DC comics)

However, she was in a position to act like a judge. At the very least she should have listened to Ms. Contreras! She should have known the arresting charge was bogus! She should have at least questioned Marshal Fox regarding the allegations! She could have called in another Marshal to talk with Ms. Contreras!

Instead she sat with her back turned and interacted with Ms. Contrersas’ daughter; a child who showed more bravery than the judge! After all, the toddler told the Marshals, "Don't take my Momma! Leave her alone!"

I have to wonder then why? Why didn't the judge react? Was she afraid of making "waves" with the Marshal's? Is there such a "good old boys" club in the Clark County Family Court she would have lost what station she had if she had interfered? Had she suffered her own abuse? Why? I don't know what the answer is; but it doesn't absolve her of inaction in her own courtroom.

Watching Magistrate Doninger, I am reminded of mothers who pretend not to notice anything is wrong while their new boyfriends/husbands abuse their sons or daughters.

I am reminded of the character Serena Joy from Margaret Atwood's "The Handmaiden's Tale"  who would stand by and participation in the degradation of other women in order to keep her own power and position.

I am reminded of the Michelle Bachmanns, Sarah Palins and your favorite blonde Fox News host who constantly pundit against women's rights for their own political power and financial gain. Ann Coulter, among others, has even argued that women shouldn't have the right to vote!

It is true that some women may be survivors of abuse. Some women may be indoctrinated so thoroughly in their place of subservience and powerlessness they do not know how to intervene or help. These women may literally have been taught to turn away in denial.

Yet, does that mean we absolve them when they have the opportunity and the means, the power, to take action?  Does that mean we do not hold them accountable?

In the video Ms. Contrersa cries out, "How can you watch this?"  The judge answers by turning her back.

In the video Ms. Contrersa's bravery, and that of her daughter, is there for the world to see. The Magistrate's cowardice is also there to see. From both we must learn. In this culture where women are objectified to sell everything from pulled pork sandwiches to web domains we must each do what we can to reclaim our status as more than a sexualized object.

We have to find the courage to heal, to support, stand up and call out when we see abuse. We do have that power; If we don't use it, then we abdicate it and are settling for whatever power someone else deigns to give us.

For the record, Magistrate Doninger was terminated two years after the incident, in June 2013.


However, since that day when she turned her back on Ms. Contrersa, Patricia Doninger had two more years to sit on the bench making decisions impacting the lives of women, children and men. Her dismissal was quiet and without comment.