Old Maid Is a Children's Game

When I was a girl we used to play this card game called "Old Maid." You win the game by always being able to make a pair of matching cards on your turn until you have no more cards in your hand. You lose by being the only player with a card left; the one unmatched card.

As a young girl it was just a game. I never really thought about the message of the game. The implication: don't be left unmatched.

However, that changed as I grew older. It's almost impossible in this society not to get the message. We are geared to believe everyone must be married or in a relationship. Furthermore, you must have kids. It's the predominant message. Movies, ads, magazines, news stories, religion, politic and families all send out that message; "pair up and have kids."

Whether by choice or by circumstance those of us not in relationship and who are child free find we are that card. Sometimes it feels like "we're" losing. Well at least to me. I don't feel like I'm losing at life, just at some sort of game I don't remember agreeing to play.

Recently I had to go home for a family event. Finally someone asks me point blank, "Are you going to be an Old Maid?" Really? I mean I always suspected that was the whispering behind my back. I guess on one hand I'm kind of relieved it was said out loud but why does it matter? I know my marital status. It's obvious in a sea of kids, grandkids and spouses when I walk into a family function with none of those. If there's a change, I'll tell you.

Within that same week, had family member take issue with something I posted on Facebook. Now usually when that happens it has something to do with politics. I'm much more progressive then a swath of my family. Yet, this time the offending post was over a bit of humor involving a PR prank and a "devil baby."

I realize I can sometimes have a dark sense of humor. Maybe working at a haunted house a few Octobers didn't help any. However, I don't think the video was offensive enough to be told it was "horrible and if I had children I would understand just how horrible."

So here's where my blog becomes more rant than rational. I mean look, ok, I don't have children. I get it. I know there are things I will never truly comprehend or understand in this world. I mean it's kind of like when I was a virgin. Up until I actually had sex, I didn't really get all the sex jokes.

However, I don't have to be told that. I don't spend my time telling you don't understand my life! I mean being single and divorced with grown kids is not like not having been married nor having kids. But hey, since shoving it my face maybe I should shove back So here I go.

When you are child free, yeah, you have a lot of time on your hands. And when you are child free and single, you have even more freedom. But being single also comes with responsibilities. If there's laundry to get done. Who does it? You. House needs cleaned, who does it? You. Bills? You're the only bread winner. Lawn needs mowed. Yep you...Or you hire someone to do it. You hear a bump the night? There's no one to go send out to investigate but yourself. You get sick and need Nyquil who has to go to the pharmacy? You.

Or how about my personal favorite, the car needs to be left at the shop? How do you get to work? Have a friend drive you? Take a cab? Catch a bus? Try and work from the mechanics shop? Or do you have to take a PTO day? Of course if you don't stay at the shop, you'll have to figure out a way back to it when the car is fixed. See why it's such a fun one?

As you grow older you realize you had best prepare to make arrangements in your golden years. Without kids, you can't rely on the fact anyone will be there to call or check on you at least once a week, let alone help you around the house. Better make plans for a retirement community or at least make good friends in the neighborhood.

As you grow older you realize you had best prepare to make arrangements in your golden years. Without kids, you can't rely on the fact anyone will be there to call or check on you at least once a week, let alone help you around the house. Better make plans for a retirement community or at least make good friends in the neighborhood. Now, of course I understand even if you have children, you may not rely on them for helping out in the winter days of life, but if you don't have kids it's definitely not an option.

Yet, that's just the boring mundane stuff.  Let's talk about the more social aspect of life. For example, let's say you a have social function at work. Talking about work, it's great. Talking about travel, well that's not to bad either. However, sooner or later, and usually it's sooner, the talk always drifts back to children or grand children. You have neither so you have limited choices. You can sit politely, nod your head and smile while the conversation goes long past the point where you have any reference or any ability to contribute,  talk about somebody else's kids or mention your pets.

Oh! But there you go! (Just in case you didn't know already.) Pets, they're not the same. Really? In my case, I'm a college educated woman past the age of thirty. While I may call my cats my "furbabies" I don't need to be told they are not the same as having children. I know that. If there was a building on fire and I have the choice to save a human child or my cat I know what choice to make.(Just to be clear, I’d save the child.)

Yet, if I my cat dies tomorrow, unless I have a really understanding boss I wouldn't be able to take the day off. I mean think about that. Here is a creature who has lived with me almost twenty years. He has given me unconditional love. He has been there when I wake up in the morning and when I go to bed at night. He has seen me sick and well. Sometimes he's the reason I've gotten out of bed. He's made me laugh. Yet, "he's just a cat" and if he dies tomorrow why I would be making "such a fuss."

Now, luckily I do have an understanding boss.

What about the holidays? Well holidays are a family affair which leads us back to the beginning of this blog. Family. When you are single and child free you start to stick out at family affairs, especially when your martial status is a topic of discussion.Plus, if you thought listening to co-workers talk about children and child rearing was awkward, well it can be practically an Olympic event with family. Yes, you can love your nieces and nephews. You can talk about them and share stories about them. However, it's only to a point. 

Let me be clear, this isn't a rant against children. I like kids and they seem to like me. I'm an Aunt by birth and by chosen family. Nor is this a rant against marriage. I'm a romantic at heart.

Being single and child free is not always easy, but it isn’t a deficiency. We are not losers to be criticized or pitied. And while we may not understand what it is like to live your lives, I can guarantee that you don’t know what it is like to live ours. Like you, we are people making it through life the best way we know how. Like you, we are people living our lives. Maybe one day we won't be single. Maybe we will have kids. Maybe we won't. However, if that changes, I'm sure it will be obvious to those around us. In the mean time,  can we play a different game; maybe Go Fish?