Self-Compassion

Cerise writes:  

            You surely have heard the saying “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”  This usually means something along the lines of “Be nice to other people.”  But I know that far too many people, women especially, are much harder on themselves than they are on others.  Whether it is impossible expectations, self-talk, or even never taking a minute for oneself, we can be so unkind to ourselves!  I, myself, am certainly guilty of treating myself in ways I would never, ever treat a friend or, for that matter, a total stranger. 

            If I drop something, I say I am “stupid, clumsy!” and I am lucky if I stop there.  Do you say this?  Do you think this way?  If you saw a total stranger trying to carry too much and she dropped one thing, would you yell at her “Hey, stupid!  You’re a klutz!”  Well, I certainly hope you wouldn’t.  But do you do it to yourself, silently or even out loud?  Well, stop that! 

            It’s not just hurtful self-talk that I am thinking of.  We do things to ourselves we would not do to another person, either.  Do you make yourself skip meals because you are too fat, or just too busy?  Would you ever deprive another person of a decent meal for the same reasons?  Then why are you doing it to yourself? 

            If you make a silly mistake, forgetting to pick up milk for example, do you hit yourself on the forehead, even in jest?  Would you actually walk up to another person and slap them on the head if they tried to do too many things all at once and forgot one little detail?  Then don’t do it to yourself!  When you say or do things like the forehead slap, you are belittling yourself in a totally unacceptable way.  And you are sending the message to yourself that it is okay to let other people treat you that badly, too.  I certainly hope no one ever hits you, dear reader, but they might pick up on the idea that it is okay to devalue you when they see you doing it first. 

            If you are waiting for someone else to make you feel better about yourself, to make you stop wanting to insult yourself, you better not hold your breath, sweetie.  This is not a fairy tale, there is no Prince Charming.  You need to do the job of taking care of yourself.  It is not okay to be your own worst critic.  If you aren’t nice to yourself, do you really think anyone else will be?  You need to stop putting yourself down, even in jest.  You need to be nice to yourself.  Think before you hurt yourself, no one deserves to be treated that way.  Not by anyone.  Not even you. 

A Few Self-Care ideas

1        1.  Pay yourself a compliment.  Sincerely.  Maybe say it out loud.  Maybe more than once. 

    

          2.  Take ten minutes to do whatever you want to do.  Not what you should do, but whatever you feel like doing.  If you never do this, it might take a bit of thinking to connect with yourself and discover what you really would like to be doing right now.

          3.   Wear something that accents your best feature.  That means you have to actually know your best feature.  If you have trouble with this, then you really need to do it!