Illustrated Sexual Classic

As a former college instructor, I learned through pedagogical courses and experience that people learn in different ways. While models may suggest that you can be a physical learner or a visual learner or one of several other types what I observed when teaching and from myself is that generally we learn best in multiple ways. The newest edition of Janet W. Hardy's The Sexually Dominant Woman: an illustrated guide for nervous beginners is a mixture of the visual and the verbal with the options of solitary or social tossed into the mix. I think this makes the book very inviting and useful to newcomers to the concept of women in the sexual lead. I've also taught numerous classes about BDSM and femdom relationships and I know that kinky folks still hunger for information particularly if they are not living in a big city where organizations may exist who can provide hands-on and mentorship. Other people simply don't to explore outside of a committed relationship or they may be shy. A book like this can provide a good resources for all of these folks who are curious about female top dynamics. I was sent a free copy of this book in exchange for a fair and honest review.

I have three versions of this book.

The first was a gift from my husband when we still did kink together before we figured out that our interests didn't overlap enough to really make it enjoyable.

The second I got because I had women (and some men) approaching me to be a mentor and I wanted to read the newer version before recommending it.

This 25th anniversary edition has made the text more inclusive and the images are some of the most diverse and reflective of the kink community that I have seen in any book about BDSM. I took a photo of a two-page section just to give you an example; I picked randomly.

I love the fact that multiple first scenarios are presented instead of the starter scene from the first edition. I also love that other books that you might find useful are highlight both in the text and at the end of the book. I will admit I was disappointed not to see my own book, At Her Feet, mentioned since it is from the same publisher, but currently it is only available as an ebook and an audiobook.

Some people might complain that the book is too focused on safety but I did not feel that way. This is a book directed toward newbies not experienced people. You know what? some of us folks who have been doing this for decades still take safety quite seriously and am grateful we had those cautious drilled into us years back. I think this is a great introductory book and I hope if you are looking for last minute gifts for the holidays or for Valentine's Day in 2019, you will consider this book.

9 Examples of Food Porn Discrimination

I test cookbooks on a fairly regular basis. I am offered cookbooks through Amazon Vine or I am sent them directly by publishers or authors. I probably average a cookbook once every two months. That's likely less than blogs which focus on cookbook testing but since I'm generally not given funds to buy ingredients or the ingredients to test out the recipes, I really can't afford to be trying out new recipes every single week. It is my economic reality that limits what I can review either for reviews on online bookstores, for publisher or author blogs, and of course for my primary blog, The Chocolate Cult. I often think "Can I afford to test these recipes?" or "What can I find on sale that might let me test these recipes?" Then I realized, my economic considerations are minor compared to many others. Today I want to share my thoughts about what I'm calling Food Porn Discrimination.

So many people love to look at food that the concept of "food porn" was developed. The idea of "foodpornography" seems to date by to the 1978 Frank Chin story "Railroad Standard Time" while "food pornography" was expanded upon by Rosalind Coward in her 1984 book Female Desire.  The basic idea is that food and sexual desire are connected. Of course seeing any type of desire as sexual has a much longer history in the Western World.

Today, we generally use the terms "food pornography" or "food porn" to refer to the great love people show online for shared photos of food (made or bought) and the focus on using such photos in media. Indeed, staging is very common at all levels of food photography from the average person taking a quick pic in a dark restaurant to the publishing of a cookbook spending thousands to have the images just so for the recipes or to accompany text.

I pay attention to the photography myself for The Chocolate Cult or my account on Instagram even though I won't spend money to get that image because I'm not selling products directly to anyone.

There isn't anything wrong with these beautiful images of food. Studies have shown that humans and animals in general may be drawn to lovely displays or bright colors of food. This is true for what we see right in front of us, in a still photograph, or a video we watch. 1, 2, and 3.

With internet access becoming more and more affordable, it becomes possible for the masses to share in the desire of food. However, with the loss of certain federal rules about the Internet we may be about to see a deep divide in terms of what people can access online. But that divide has been part of food porn for a while now with some online recipe sites or magazine requiring a subscription to get full access. There are a lot of free recipe sites out there and companies who sell food generally put out their sites for free, so you can get a lot of decent food porn for nothing or very little.

Print cookbooks are another matter. I have friends who collect cookbooks and one of our writers for this blog is a food historian. The type and number of images in cookbooks has skyrocketed. Recently I shared two books that I'm slowly working my way through to review with a friend of mine. She immediately said "This is food porn. This is, too." Books cost money and with so many cookbooks now trying to have a photo for very recipe they can be very pricy. You can try your public library if you are lucky enough to have access to one but of course you can't keep those (or you shouldn't). If you want to buy them, be willing to spend between $25 and $50 on average.

If you want vintage cookbooks these can cost thousands of dollars! Yikes!

Ebooks might seem like a good alternative if price is an issue. However many ebooks now cost the same as a paperback book and most cookbooks come out in a hardcover format. Sometimes I will accept an ecookbook but the quality is very hit and miss and so much of the layout is dependent upon the program the publisher used for the book. If it is for a Kindle, you have to use a Kindle for example. Even then some of the ecookbooks I've looked at have failed to line up the photo of a recipe properly and it just looks weird or even distasteful. Distasteful is the last thing you want in your food porn.

The photos in many cookbooks or professional online sites are lovely but can I get my attempts at those recipes to look like that? Usually not.

Sometimes this is a matter of recipe quality. The more cookbook testing I do, the easier it is for me to spot a poorly written recipe. But sometimes you don't realize that some detail is missing until it all goes bad. At other times the disappointment comes from your skills or your circumstances.

Beyond making food, your food porn desires may be a struggle because what you or a loved one sees and wants may not be available to you for a variety of reasons.

Food porn should make you feel good not horrible. The entire point of pornography of any type was to get return consumers afterall and who honestly wants to go back to have their self-esteem stomped without some pleasurable pay off?

Let's look at some of the reasons I believe that there is a bias in the world of food porn.

Examples of Food Porn Discrimination

1. You have not had the time or money to get the training required to make a recipe.

Schools are still teaching home economics even though the demise of this is bemoaned in a number of articles over the past few years. The number of courses taught and at what grade depends on the location of your schools. Formal classes to teach cooking dates back at at least the 19th century in the USA. None of these are free, not really, even if you personally aren't paying a fee, the money probably comes out of your taxes. So if you live in a school system that is poor or too urban, you may not have had a chance to learn. Not just that but honestly how many of you who did take home economics in junior high or high school have kept up the skills that you learned?

Let's say that you can't remember what you learned or you simply didn't learn that in school, getting the training as an adult isn't going to a taxes paid for proposition. Sure you might be able to find them at the community college or a program at your town does every year or every half year but again that will cost money. Beyond money it costs time. For many people barely making ends meet, they have neither time nor money and thus the skills needed to produce the food they admire.

2. You have not had the money to buy the gadgets and small appliances used in the recipes.

Some items are small and relatively inexpensive but many times when I'm looking through a cookbook or recipes online a tool will be mentioned that I don't have. Do I run out and find it? Hell, no! But many cookbooks include lists of where you can find all those gadgets and tools just in case you want to. Sometimes it isn't a matter of want but ability. Here on The Chocolate Cult I am sent such items from time to time so over the years I have been able to expand the recipes I can try based on having more tools at my disposal but I still run into the next problem.

3. You do not have the money to have a kitchen big enough to store all those gadgets and appliances used in recipes.

I subscribe to a housing porn email list because I love to dream about houses that my parents couldn't have afforded and which I am unlikely to be able to afford. The amount of kitchen you can get for your buck varies a great deal. You don't just need countertops to work on, I use my dining room table for a lot of things, but you do need places to store everything. That means drawers, shelves, cabinets, and even freezers and refrigerators. If your refrigerator-freezer unit can basically hold a few cubic feet of items, you aren't make large sheet cakes or storing food you found on sale in the freezer.

4. You do not have the time to spend on all the steps of the food prep for a recipe.

This gets us back to the problem in #1 -- Time. Recently I've been working on some cookbook reviews that really hit me with how much time is involved. Actually hands on work might be only an hour or two (and that could be a problem for some of you) but the amount of time I have to schedule the steps over can span anywhere from 12 to 24 hours. These are basically weekend recipes but a lot of folks work weekends or have other things they'd like to do rather than make a loaf of bread or a casserole. If you do, you are probably a stay-at-home spouse in an upper middle class home.  Less than 30% of American women (and far fewer men) fit into the stay-at-home part of this equation and a good chunk of those are not upper middle class but instead simply can't afford to pay for childcare until their kids are much older.

5. You may have children and/or pets that would make some of those food prep steps challenging if not impossible.

Now imagine that you personally do have that much time that you can plan out and see through the steps. What if you have kids or pets? Is there a safe place to store your sourdough starter without a risk of it getting knocked down? Will you have enough quiet to make that souffle? What about stirring constantly for 10 minutes or 20 minutes or longer? There's a reason why fancy dishes and time consuming courses were created in the kitchens of the wealthy. They had servants or slaves (or both) who had nothing else to do other than focus on that stovetop, the oven, or that countertop unless they wanted to be punished or not be paid.

6. You may not have time to go shopping for some of the ingredients either because of your work schedule or the distance to the types of shops where you can buy such products.

What if you are single, childless/petless, and you do have the resources like the money and time to put into recipes you might still face a struggle to find the ingredients Perhaps you live in a food desert where your store options are limited. This isn't just a problem for poor urban communities either. Rural communities are finding that grocery stores are moving out or being displaced by massive chains. Will you be able to find that particular type of olive a recipe calls for? What about a certain percentage of chocolate? How sure are you of your skills to substitute?

Yes, with grocery delivery services and places like Amazon or speciality shops online you can get get a lot more ingredients that you might be able to find in your hometown stores.

7. You may not have the money to spend on some of the ingredients even if you can find them.

You find the ingredients you need to recreate that lovely dish you saw on Instagram. Can you afford to order them? Will you be home when the mail carrier arrives? Not only do you pay for the food but you pay for the shipping. You might think that you shipping in free but you have to buy a certain amount or pay an annual membership fee. Those requirements do limit who can use these services.

8. You don't have the money to waste on food should the recipe not be fully vetted before it appears online or in a cookbook.

I grew up in a working class family. While some of you may have heard of the "eat what's on your plate because there are children starving in X" I heard "if you put it on your plate you must eat it." Why? If I didn't want it, my mother would save it for another meal either another dinner or a lunch or even breakfast, possibly even a lunchbox. But once it was on my plate, once I'd touched it, was it safe to save? They were poor but not so poor that she was willing to take that risk. However if she tried a recipe and it didn't work, we all just sucked it up and at it anyway no matter how many meals it might take.

I still do that. I'm loathe to throw out food. Collectively Americans waste more food than any other nation in the world. Individually this can average out to 30% of the calories we buy wasted. Think of how much money that might be? Some of us simply cannot justify tossing out that loaf of bread that didn't turn out right or that can of special mushrooms we bought when it turns out no one liked that recipe but one person.

9. You don't have money to purchase something as lovely to show your affection or respect for someone even after they have expressed a clear interest in that item.

Perhaps you know you can't cook that wonderful dish you saw or that your lover or kid told you about. You can always buy it, right? That depends who what you see.

If a see an image from a restaurant in our neighborhood or from a shop near us that is within our budget, sure I can hop out and get that. If it's for a special occasion, I m likely to order it or get it for a person I care about.

But what if it is a fancy meal at a restaurant halfway around the world? Do I feel bad about that or can I just enjoy the image? I hope most of us can just enjoy the image but that might always be the case.

Hopefully most of us aren't in the types of relationships where our partner/kids/family would berate us for not being able to buy that fancy food but again that isn't always the case.

Food is necessary to live but it is also very tightly connected to our self-image and the image others of about us.

Is there a way out of this food porn discrimination? Leave a comment with your ideas.

Raising Our Voices

The United States is going to hell in a handbag.  You may say that’s an opinion but I see it as a fact.  Millions of citizens are losing their access to affordable health insurance. Thousands face probable deportation in five weeks despite the fact that they’re hard working students, employees and service members who pay taxes and are not draining social welfare programs. Social welfare programs that are supposed to be there for the citizens are being drained to benefit corporations.  A hostile foreign power tampers with our free and open elections (a hallmark of democracy if ever there was one) and our elected officials and their toadies deny it all.  Yes, folks, we’re on that express elevator to our doom.

The past several weeks have had me thinking about my family and the environment in which I was raised.  I grew up in a very politically active family.  Both parents sat on the city counsel at one time or another.  I was attending party fundraisers when I was in grade school.  I’ve seen the good, the bad and the ugly and as much as it pains me, it gets uglier every year.

One of the reasons the ugliness increases is we no longer want to hold our elected officials accountable.  Some people have given up saying our voices will be drowned out by lobbyists and political action committees.  That is a possibility.  But it’s only possible if we all remain silent.  We need to shout out our message and we need to do it over and over again.  We have to make sure that the voters have the loudest voice and the clearest message.

Now, please don’t tell me that it takes too much time/effort to do this.  This is the twenty-first century, people.  Sending your elected officials an email is incredibly easy.  Want to send your senator a message?  Find their email address here.   Want to tell your representative how you feel about something?  Check Here. Don’t know who your representative is? Find them here,

Afraid you’re not a great writer?  You don’t have to be.  Long, impassioned pleas are not required.  As much as you might like to rant and rave, brevity really is your friend.  Just tell them what you want them to do.  As my high school speech teacher would say, “Make your point. Back it up. Shut up.”  

Need an example?  Below is a letter I’m sending to all the Indiana Republican members of the House of Representatives as well as Senator Todd Young.  I’m also copying Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell just because I want them to know how I feel.  It’s not long; just under 300 words (severely pared down from the original rant and rave) but it includes my complaint and what I want them to do about it. 

If you want a better world, you must demand it. So demand it over and over again.

I’m writing to inform you just how disappointed I am in you and virtually every other Republican in both the House of Representatives and Senate.  My disappointment stems from the appearance that you’re all ignorant of or just don’t give a damn about something we in Indiana learn in grade school.

The three branches of government were created as a system of checks and balances for each other.  The executive branch serves as a check on the judicial branch. The judicial branch is a check on the legislative branch. And the legislative branch is supposed to be a check on the executive branch.  I'm writing to bring it to your attention you've failed miserably.

It is shameful the House and Senate Intelligence and Judiciary committees have given up trying to get to the bottom of the Russian intervention in the 2016 presidential election. It is even worse that they’re now taking steps to actively impede the justice department’s investigation into the same crime and with it the investigation into which Americans were complicit.

I grew up in a politically active family so I understand party loyalty but democracy must be put before party interests.  By refusing to do that, you are complicit.  You are part of the conspiracy that is allowing a hostile foreign power to hold sway over the best interests of the United States.  You are responsible for putting this country’s law enforcement and intelligence services in peril. 

I implore you to grow a spine and start working for the United States.  Stand up to Donald Trump.  Don't be one of his lackeys.  You were not elected to be a sycophant to the liar and bully who inhabits the Oval Office. You were elected to the branch of government that is supposed to be the check and balance over the executive branch.  Now do your job!

Self-Care and Beauty Care, Is it De-stressing?

Thanksgiving was yesterday and for many of us several winter/summer holidays are fast approaching. For women this can be a particularly stressful time. I know I grew up in a household where my mother was the primary social calendar keeper and the social focus for our immediate family. I grew up with that as my role model so it is not surprising that I am the Chief Communications Officer of our family starship (as we geeks like to say).

Stress from trying to manage different invitations to holiday parties from work, volunteer organizations, friends, family, and neighbors.

Stress from working on our own parties and trying to figure out who we can not invite without seeming like aholes.

Stress from all the holiday greetings everyone who doesn't live in our town will expect and then stress from keeping track of what we get because we don't hear back from you for three years, we aren't sending you a holiday card (the hubby declares).

4 Kroger Spa Line Products

One way we are told to lessen stress is to delegate to others and to take care of ourselves. Taking care of ourselves can involve a lot of things but many of them are physical. I'm part of the MyMagazineSharing Network through Kroger and I was sent four of their store brand "spa line" products for free in exchange for sharing my experiences about them in a fair way. I'm not a big spa person, I've been to a spa once in my lifetime. I'm not a big make-up user and the only time I try fancy or expensive skin care products is when I'm sent them to review. Today I want to share what my experience was with these products.



I started with the Bright Under Eye Care treatment because I've been very tired from pain and then surprise! I caught a virus from someone in my household. I was concerned my eyes might look extra tired or baggy. First I thought there might be two treatments when I opened the package because the pads look large.

Brighten Under Eye Care Pads, Kroger Spa Line

Then I put them on and don't these look HUGE? I don't have either a small or large face, for my body it is average sized but look how large these pads are. They tingled a bit and were cool when I put them on for the full 20 minutes. They came off easily and I gently patted the area underneath but my skin had soaked up most of the solution on the pads. The area under my eyes looked red when I took them off so I let my skin be for half an hour and my skin and eyes were fine. If this product helped under eyes then I guess I didn't have anything wrong with mine at all the day I tried this.

Are these pads huge? Kroger Spa Line

Then I tried the facial masks and these were literally my 2nd, 3rd, and 4th facial masks I have ever used in my life. These were very different from the first mask I used. These are fully formed face shaped sheets and that is where the big problems lie. Let's look at the first one.

Note how the size and placement of the sheet does not match my face at all. It would not smooth down, it tried to cover my eyebrows (no!), and it hung too low on my chin. To top that off this Exfoliate felt burning after a few minutes but I toughed it out for the full twenty minutes. Oddly the directions said to "gently pat" in the remaining product... ah, no! Exfoliating means that  you should be removing dead skin to reveal and promote newer skin. In fact, every one of the facial sheet mask had the identical directions for every step which makes no sense when each is supposed to do something different for your face.

I could try cutting the mask into pieces and applying it that way but I'm not being paid to test these out and that would take as much if not more time than applying a mask with just a semi-liquid product. That's adding more time and more work to an already stressful time of year for many of us.

For me this Spa Line from Kroger is a failure.

Looking at Clever Creations for Christmas

clever creations logo

Sometimes I get things to test out and review that don't fit into my blog, The Chocolate Cult, and when that happens I take advantage of this shared blog to let you all know what I think about a product(s) I was sent. It isn't even Thanksgiving yet and I've been sent 6 decorations for Christmas though some of these as you will see could work for more generic winter holidays. I received three nutcrackers -- a Santa Skiing Nutcracker, a Chubby Traditional King Nutcracker, and a Snow Queen Nutcracker, and three pickle ornaments. I'll tell you about each of these in this review. I got these 6 items via the Tryazon program from Clever Creations to test and write about it on various social media. No other form of compensation was received in exchange for my honest opinions.

Clever Creations Trio of Christmas Pickles

Let's start with the Christmas Pickles. My husband and I got one from his parents soon after we moved into our house because we had room for a full sized tree there. That ornament was a tradition his father's family followed so we started using it during our annual holiday party but in a different way. We send everyone who wants to play downstairs with one of us, then the other of us puts the pickle ornament on the tree. Those who are playing then all come up stairs and the first one to find the pickle gets a prize. I think this year, we could give the first three people to find it a pickle ornament of their own. The pickles themselves are fine, much brighter green than the heirloom ornament my in-laws gave us. The company claims it is shatterproof but I couldn't find a description of what is is made out of and I didn't want to throw one on the floor to test out the claim. I can say that they are lighter weight than the other pickle ornament that we have which is made from glass. The big negative is the silver strings that came with these, there were six strings in all and three of them were frayed at one end. I tried to tie them off but the material was slippery and my knots didn't stay. I recommend an old-fashioned metal hook like we use with our glass pickle.

Chubby Traditional Nutcracker King

I'm going to look at the nutcrackers in increasing size so we'll start with the Chubby Styles Traditional King Nutcracker. This little guy is cute! His mouth opens and closely well though honestly I doubt he is strong enough to crack nuts. Wood is great but I prefer metal for a functional nutcracker. He measures  6.25" x 3.25" x 2.75" and he comes in a small box that I labeled so I can use it to store him. He reminds me of the traditional nutcracker design from the ballet though he has a drum which I do not normally associate with the king figure. No, the drum and the arms/hands do not move.

Snow Queen Nutcracker

The next two are in theory the same height but the hats make all the difference. The Traditional Snow Queen Nutcrackeris the first female nutcracker I have seen for Christmas. She measures  14" x 3.33" x 3.66" and stands on a very glittery base. She came with broken pieces of styrofoam in her box and that was a bit annoying to keep discovery everyone as I unpacked and repacked her up. She reminds me of our stuffed Celestial Santas who is in blue and silver. He's packed away right now because it is too early to decorate for Christmas but I'll think about putting them next to each other when I do decorate after Thanksgiving. Her hair is very curly and it was entwined in the front. Oddly she is a nutcracker but the open is on her chest promoting my hubby to revert to a 12-year old boy and exclaim "She had nutcracking boobs!". The lever is under her cape so aside from the wood worry as strong enough to crack open nuts, it is more effort to access that movable part. The wand can be turned a bit but everything else is static about her. When I looked closely at her head I noticed that the crown is above the plaited hair line so it looks less elegant up close than at a distance.

Santa Skiing Nutcracker

The final nutcracker is just fun looking. The Skiing Santa Nutcracker is also 14 inches tall but his hat is an extra 4 inches to the figure and that matters depending on where you might want to place him. His other measurements are 3.25" x 5" so he takes up more horizontal space on a shelf. The hat has a wire in it so you can bent it to pose it. Up straight like you see in the photo or bending down to one side, or frontward, or backwards even. Other than the hat no other part is movable. Nothing is removable either so you don't' have to worry about losing parts of it. His mouth opens using an easy access lever in the back but again I wouldn't use him to crack actually nuts.

The Clever Creations nutcrackers are going to join our Christmas decorations assuming I can find space for them in our existing boxes. If I can't I guess they might replace older decorations or be given as prizes at our party. Honestly we don't put up Christmas decorations until after Thanksgiving. These are our Thanksgiving decorations. And no, we don't need more of these, companies, but chocolate for the other blog would be very welcomed!



Do you have any Clever Creations nutcrackers? Does you family have a pickle deocration?